Trying to Forget and Run Away

I've been trying to avoid him these past few days. . .I didn't make contact for a few days already. . .I'm trying to forget about him and just drift away from him as much as possible. . .I just want to make a big hole between us, to make a big rip. . .to forget everything, to forget the feeling, to forget the closeness, and to forget him. . .

It was a sudden decision I made. . .just thought of it. . .maybe it's because I know that he has someone already. . .someone he really loves. . .and I'm happy for him and I just hope that well she's it. . . :)

I lost all hope last Wednesday. . . I loosened my grip and accepted the truth. . .I can't do anything now. . .this is the end. . .

You might think I'm over reacting. . .You might think my smiles are fake. . .Actually I am over reacting. . .It's just that. . . . . .I really liked him(I might even loved him). . .and I really hoped something might happen like those romantic movies. . .well turns out :) I was wrong. . .
I'm not faking my smiles. . .I really happy for him. . .I'm not being a martyr or anything I just accepted it as a whole. . .and his new someone is a friend of mine. . . sort of. . . :) and there a lot of boys out there who are well. . .better than him. . . :)

On to the Next Chapter! :)

buckets of expectations and drums of pain. . .

Here we go again. . . but it's not for me. . . It's for Roxy. . .and it's all my fault. . .I had to infect her w/ my sickness of crushing on older guys. . .now she fell. . .again! w/ three guys. . .Rezealf-50% , Errol-?? , Joey-??. . .and here come the gazes, the funny feelings, the butterflies, the expectations and wrong interpretations. . .

She might get hurt. . .well she already did. . .Errol has someone, Rezealf can't have a girlfriend and Joey still a question mark. . .Rezealf is a nice guy there's no problem w/ that. . .the other two are also question marks. . .I don't want to see her have mood swings because of these guys. . .and I don't want her to fall really deep like what happened last time. . .she might get hurt again. . .

I'm scared coz' I know her tendencies. . .and trust me it's scary. . .But I know she knows what to do. . .and I know she knows what her limitations are and she knows that I'm just here. . .

Caution: Deep Hole

Reconciliations . Wins. Defeat and Late Night Celebrations

Reconciliation. . . that's what happened last Thursday. . . :) shitmate and her friend have reconciled. . .there friends again! the deafening silence is gone. . .

Wins. . . to the candidates who won I congratulate them. . .The SSC election was last Friday. . .it was a close fight. . .but eventually someone has to win and that was Alnico. . .emotions were stirred that Friday. . .some cried, some disappointed, some happy, some angry and some went overboard. . .

Defeat. . .to the candidates who lost I admire the courage you have to take a risk. . . Katrina lost by 20+ votes. . .It was such a close fight. . .she got disappointed. . .that's normal. . .but true, she was brave and gutsy to run for president. . .maybe it wasn't her time. . .

Late Night Celebrations. . .dinner at Brod Pitt's. . .Abigail won for treasurer. . .so we just had to celebrate. . . We hanged out at the basketball court just in front of the resto. . .played, talked, goofed off and went hyper on each other. . .Then went back to the resto to have a little karaoke. . .some of us had enough courage to go on stage and sing. . .we went home at 10pm but it was all worth it. . .

New beginnings and ends. . . :)

Shitmate's in pain. . .

My SHITMATE is in severe pain and agony. . .She got hurt. . .should have understood the adjusting period. . .I was wrong. . .SHITMATE and her close friend had a misunderstanding. . .I think. . .I don't know how to put it into words. . .Bsta! that's it. . .SHITMATE's friend didn't take her seriously. . .I think she does have a clue. . .but she just hasn't had the right timing or courage. . .She's ashamed. . .I could sense it. . .I want them to be friends again. . .I can't take it. . .watch them not talking to each other. . .It's to frustrating and sad. . .

they need to be fixed. . .but SHITMATE wants her friend to learn her lesson. . .

Head Straightening . Head Hurting . Teen Problems

I'm confused and "Fucked up" (sorry for the word). . .a lot of stuff are happening at the moment and I'm confused at the same time hurt. . .

1. I don't know if I still like him. . .I'm confused. . .there are nights that I think of him. . .there are nights that I just don't want to think about him. . .I think I like him but then I actually don't. . .This is confusing. . .should I bear hope or just give up. . .I mean it doesn't mean that will ever love/like me. . ."I'm willing to let go but my heart isn't"- Lino
2. I feel the effin' gap dude! I don't know about you but I do. . .were just meters away but I can feel your not there and you aren't actually enjoying the company. . . I miss you dude. . .your to hard to reach. . .We've lost the closeness we had before. . .your not the same. . .I miss you. . .
3. I feel so alone. . .no one wants to listen to me. . .I don't know where to go. . . I need a sense of direction. . .I need someone to talk to. . .
4. High above the clouds during the day. . .rock bottom at night. . .I don't know whats up. . . EMO?? I don't know. . .
5. Money talk. . .Mom's having issues w/ our business. . .I think were going broke. . .I can live w/ that. . .
6. Effin' insecurities! I'm insecure. . .everyone is at our age. . .
7. I want to DIE! I want to GO! I want to STAY! I want to make up my mind!
8. My friends have there own hang ups and no one's telling me. . .I'm so left out. . .
9. Optimistic and Pessimistic at the same time. . .confused again. . .
10. He doesn't seem to be happy when chatting w/ me. . .he isn't replying. . .so disappointed. . .so down. . .

-Everyone left w/out me-

No more HAHAs. . .

The fake HAHAs have left me. . .I'm fine. . .don't know whats going to happen next. . .unsure of what I'm feeling for PAST. . .I don't know. . .who knows. . .maybe I'll get over him sooner or later. . .

I HOPE. . .