this is gonna destroy me.

every bit of me.

but i know i wouldn't care.

you're more important than me.

letter 7

we're going down.

that can't happen.

i can't take that.

shit.

Lord, help me, help us.

our department's online enrollment thing is crap. :|

it just makes everything stressful. :|

my admission slip online says BFA-AA 1 2010. :|

fudge. :|

letter 6

i'm listening to nevershoutnever right now.

you know what that means.

i miss how you smell.

visit me already.

going back to cebu tomorrow.

had a rad time with faith friends. :)

had fun at the carnival. :D

and had fun hanging out at airiz's place. :)

i totally missed our old jamming sessions.that's what i miss most about high school really. :)

renzdl took me home.he was driving, but his brothah was with us too.

i wanted to sleep over ariz's place but i couldn't. :(

letter 5

DVBS since monday!

i was action leader today. :D

it was fun but man was i beat. ><

had dinner with niña, renzdl, patrick and beverly.

it was fun.

renzdl drove us home. :D

we all got home in one piece. ho-rah! :D

last day of dvbs tomorrow.

boy!

:)

letters to crushes extravaganza.i'm addicted to the anonymousness of the whole thing. :)

letter 4

letter 3

letter 2

letter 1

summer is making me too lazy to blog. :))

i watched a movie with lou-anne and cristel today. :)

and yesterday was niña's 18th birthday.

i got home at 1 am from the party.

i just realized that v&g is that huge. :))

i'm happy.everything's going well. :)

my sister's leaving for cebu tomorrow.

i feel optimistic today.

and inspired as well. :)

i want to draw but then i don't think that's gonna happen.

i feel that everything's all right today. :)

*sigh* :) <3

i love you! :D :) :*

home later.

7.50..

i'm excited. :D

i miss you. :(

i want to talk to you but you fell asleep. :( :(

i miss how he smells. :(

i'm forgot how it felt like when he held me.

i don't want that.

i want him here, now. :(

i miss him so bad. :(

i just had a realization.

i wouldn't really want it if he wasn't around.

i wouldn't know what to do.

i'm going to SM later with the people from bethany. :)

i think we're gonna watch a movie.idk. :P

....i'm bored

i don't feel like talking right now. :|

idk why though.

i just got back from bacolod last night.

CBDTI was kinda off with the messages but it was fun.

he smells extremely nice. :)

he gave me one of his hankys and a bracelet and hugs and butterflies and .... *sigh* :)

i miss him. :(

my pastor knows about me and him. :D

he told both of us to pray and if it's God's will then go for it. :)

it's 5 am

and it's already a thursday not a wednesday.

i can hear the birds chirp outside.

i think it's going to be a lovely day.

i feel better than yesterday. :)

imperial palace today.

i don't know what to do there.

maybe read a book somewhere nice. :)

today i felt like shit.

i spent my day lying around in bed thinking and falling asleep.

i didn't eat anything until dinner.

like seriously, i didn't even drink water.

i feel sad.

i don't think that'll go away anytime soon.

felt like i lost a limb or something.

not a good feeling.

and i still don't know what to do.

kinda feels like i lost my left arm and i think i should just loose the right one too.

it's fair enough.

i'm going home. :)

later at 6. :)

'i love you.'? seriously man?

i kinda don't think so. :))

yesterday

cj came to my place.hung out a bit and ate lunch here.

got an eye check up.

grade went up by 25.

went to jollibee drive through.bought noreen food and bought myself ice cream.

went to ayala.i was with arjay and althea.

went to talmban with arjay.

went to the market with alex, france and arjay. :))

france: the palengke look. (with the market bag thingy in hand)

went to alex's place.

arjay cooked pork sinigang.was good.

hanged out there for a while.

went home around 10.arjay took me home.

took his watch as hostage. :)) just in case he won't show up at ayala later. :))

talked to niña when i got home.she called me just to say knock knock jokes. :)))

and man she had crap loads of em'!i mean she had a list and she was highlighting the jokes that she already told me. :))

and so today i shall go back to ayala.

btw.i'm going home tomorrow. :D

today...

i mean earlier was the first official day of summer! :D

though i didn't get enough sleep i still had a blast. :)

hanged with jessy and kuai at talamban.

watched Alice in Wonderland with joyce.

hanged out at ayala with daria, jm, jessy and althea.

hanged and ate dinner at casa verde with SHC people.

we just kept laughing during dinner. :)) it was so awesome.we couldn't help but just laugh as much as we could. :)))

btw i saw jason castro at ayala.he had a concert there.he is so cute! :D

it's summer!let's go out and do nothing, waste time with the people we love. ;)

i slept at 4 am yesterday morning.

and i was supposed to sleep early.

and well i forgot.

i just finished my freehand plate.

i painted a tree, with watercolor of course.

i am so exhausted right now.

i need to go to school early tomorrow.

i forgot.my drawing board at althea's place.and so i need to stretch my paper at school.

hence i ended up using a huge rectangular styrofoam as my board.

it's ok.but the paper doesn't get stretched that well.

i remembered something.arjay said i'm mature. O.O i was shocked.really?doesn't feel like it. :))

finals next week.i need to start on my histo plates tomorrow.

we're supposed to make 4 plates for monday.

oh and i need to get handouts tomorrow.

i'm gonna spend a lot on photocopying crap loads of handouts.

it was sooooooooooo hot today...or was it just me.

i'm so talkative today.

i've been talking fast.

i'm hyper.

i think if i wasn't so tired i'd jumping around by now.

but then i already feel like shit so i think i should go.

my head's already starting to play tricks on me.

i had jollibee for dinner. :))

gots a new header. :)

i just got adobe photoshop CS4 installed last week. :D

and i'm getting addicted to it.

oh and print screen too. :D

:)

i should be studying for ethics and i should be doing that artwork for ethics later.

buuuuut. :>

i still have time. :D :P

luis is being nice to arjay.or at least trying to be. :)

i like that. :)

:)

today:

no freehand!weee! :)

bring home plate though,and it's foliage.booo. :|

card games with cj, kevin, mj, and den. :D

goofing of at althea's apartment. :))

cheap pizza with loraine, cj and althea. :)

happy facebook comments. :)

i can't manage to install the adobe photoshop that daria lent me. :/

i want a camera so bad. :x

i didn't do my graphics plate yet. :))

finals' next next week. :O

time's so fast.

summer's coming!weee!imma go home! :D

i just finished talking to luis!

after a month of no talking! :)

i'm so happy. :)

we're gonna work this out. :)

he said earlier that we should just see other people.then he said goodnight and put down the phone and then a few seconds after putting down the phone he called back. :) :) :) <3

he said he can't do it. :)

i love you!! :* :) <3

oooohh... :(

you're sweet and nice and caring and loving and have a way to make me feel nice about myself but....i'm sorry. :(

i'm not in-love with you.

how i wish i was.

it'll save me all the pain.

but no, i'm sorry.

if only i was in-love with you.

maybe things would have been better.

but i see you as a brother, a very protective and caring brother.

make me happy.anyone?

glee made me feel better today. :)

i just feel like total shit today.really. :|

it's worse than before.

feels like my hearts being crushed.

i always thought his mom was supportive about us. :(

but then apparently she's not. :(

she's making him choose. :(

i don't want that. :(

i'm breaking into tiny pieces. :(

well everything's going down the drain.

this is shitty.

:(

i'm not a martyr i'm just not a cheater.

now matter which way you look at it and no matter how hard you try or how many times you ask me nothing's gonna happen.

you're a nice guy but you're just not for me.

we're friends, it's cool, and i'd like to leave it like that.

anywho.doubts.

i hate doubting. :|

is it true?

is being busy just an excuse?

are you supposed to have time no matter how busy you get?

am i being played?

the questions are killing me.

we need to talk. :|

two people have made that point now.and well yeah, they have a huge point.

today was FAR!

we wore casuals. :)

no classes in our minors, except for ReEd. :P

no graphics!wee! :>

but sir gave us a bring home plate.boooo. :P

hanged out at the other classroom.

bothering gia and arjay.

helping them from time to time. :D

and panicking when their teacher gets there. :))

anna made me believe that ash and misty, from pokemon, got together in the end. :))

i really believed it. she was like: "did you know ash and misty got together in the end?" i went: "really?!" she answered: "...no not really." hahahahahaha. :)))))

from 2-6 i just sat between arjay and gia and looked at them do their plates. :))

i find their friend sam funny and cool. :))

he kept on making fun of arjay. XD they were bitching about each other.hahaha.

watched the performance art performers.it was so cool and weird.but still awesome. :)

watched the fashion show. :D

went to rosdale, waited for my uncle.arjay waited with me.

my uncle arrived around 9.

came home and had dinner at 10. :D

community service for cwts tomorrow.boooo! :/

FAR tomorrow!....i mean later. :P

we can wear casuals. :D

dinner at ching palace earlier.

dinner at lighhouse tomorrow. :))

i just want us to be tight friends.that's all.now that i think about it i don't really think that i like like him.

but you,i can't forget you.never.even just the thought of you makes my chest all happy. :)

and hence i miss you. :(

i got a hot oil treatment today.

my hair smells like rubbing alcohol. :))

my aunt who came home from the states gave me an ipod shuffle. :)

it's so small and it looks like a flash disk. :))

stupid chad and his stupid teasing.

i hanged out with arjay last saturday at starbucks.we just stayed there and talked from 2-5.it was fun. :D

chad saw us hence the teasing.little bitch. :| :)))

it's going to be a month now since we last talked. :|
fuck...

i feel accomplished and shit right now.

accomplished because i finished my sculpture for design tomorrow!

and i must say it actually looks good. :D

started it around 9 something and finished around 12.

now all i need to do is bake the freakin' thing, which i will do tomorrow morning. :D

shit because that freakin' plate just made me dead tired.

i'm so tired i wanna stab someone. :))

i was supposed to have p.e. today.buuuuut. :D

i didn't have my p.e. uniform because they forgot to wash it.sooooo.i didn't go. :P

i sat-in cj's english.her teacher was our teacher last semester so it was alright.

i was shocked to know greg, joyce's friend, knows me. O.O

sammy put me in charge of 'tax' collecting for our org. :D

me like collecting money. :))

today.

i was shaken.

i found out that Biboy had passed.

it was so sudden.

lou-anne told me, he drowned.

i can't believe it.

it was just so fast.

he was an awesome writer.

he could have had a brighter future ahead of him.

but God had other plans.

he's with our beloved Father now,enjoying His presence.

you did good biboy. :)

so today was cool. :)

stayed at ayala for the most part of the day. :P

cj, kevin (lednio) and i had dimsum break for lunch. :D

talked there until 1.30.

walked around.

we saw reave, he ended up tagging along.

then we went to timezone, i loaded my card.

played a few games.

then we had karaoke! :D

so yeah karaoke was fun. :>

we ended up loosing 200 pesos in the process of that fun but then it was all worth it. :)

i also ended up having my throat hurt like hell and lose my voice. :))

i had a haircut today too. :D

it's so short! ><

like i mean short, shorter than the last haircut i had last time. O.O

idk if i can pull this off. :P

i can't even tie my hair! ><

idk.

you're not telling me things. :(

am i supposed to be angry, sad or just not make a big deal about it?

but then i just feel so bad.it makes me feel like i'm not that important. :|

and it just gets worse because i miss you so bad.

we haven't talked in a while and idk what's happening.

what is happening?

i want to know.

i don't care how bad it is, i just want to know, i just want to feel that you trust me. :(

today was....hmmm...

i don't know how to describe today. :))

today was fine.

and i feel optimistic and happy today. :)

it's nice. :)

btw me and gia planned to go to the gym. :))

she just randomly asked me earlier if i wanted to go.

so i agreed. :D

so she's going gym hunting this week. :P

and we already planned our gym sched earlier. :))

and i'm actually looking forward to that. :D

i noticed that i make it a habit to fall asleep before going online. :))

i feel extremely retarded right now. :))

this is because i didn't get enough sleep last night. ><

i basically slept at 3 am and woke up at 7 hence my feeling of trippy-ness. :))

i was just plain weird for the most part of the day. :))

gia, a classmate of mine in some of my classes, texts like roxane. :))

she reminds me of here. :)

it's either that or it's just i miss her too much. :(

btw.i'm watching charlie and the chocolate factory. :D

i so love willy wonka man. :)

midterms week is officially over baby! :D

but we still have a midterms test next week for graphics.

graphics was bloody today.

i couldn't form the freakin figure we were supposed to make. :/

i thank God for cj being there to help me. :>

thank you ceejea. :D

i had to sit near the hallway where i was in front of the other class. :|

i will never sit there ever again.it was awkward.very. O.O

i hate it when people stare at me. :|

today was never what i expected it to be really.

i went to faye at talamban around one.

went to Lighthouse.since here family was there.

went to ayala.bought sanuks, they're not shoes they're sandals. :)) :>

they're extremely comfy btw.i love them. :D

went back home to get faye's costume that i was supposed to bring and give her in the first place. :))

went back to ayala.gave it to her.

went to starbucks.had coffee with myself.

saw angeli there.talked to her a bit.

went to fully booked.looked at some books.

saw arjay.talked to him while i was waiting in line for a taxi.

so basically i didn't get any school work done today.which makes me kinda screwed because i was supposed to finish my plate already.which is due on wednesday btw. :/

no i shall study.i'll be having my midterms exam in design fundamentals tomorrow. :|

today is sinulog.

and today was just extremely boring.

i just stayed at home.

stayed in front of the computer.

studied a bit.

looked for pictures for my histo plate.i never found a good photo.

talked with luis. :)

had butterflies and had my heart jump around like crazy. :)

*sigh* :)

i find myself doing love sick sighing these days. :))

i'm listening to Incubus.i miss their awesomeness. :D

barricaded today.

i'm so tired.

i ate dinner at ayala.

i got home around 10 because there was a long line for the taxi. :/

dead tired. :|

it's cold to day.brrrr.

but i like the cold. :)

head splitting MFing graphics.

but i was happy with my plate today.i formed a chair and table by myself. :D

i'm so proud of myself.oh yeah. :>

got caught in the freakin' rain today on my way home.

i was with jollybe and rosalie which made it fun. :D

barricade duty for the sinulog procession tomorrow. :/

i was supposed to go to a sleepover today.but i got too tired to go.

btw.

it was the first time i saw our freehand teacher pissed.

and man was it scary. O.O

he got angry because only a few people brought their drawing boards.

scary man scary. O.O

it's cold today.

the cold is awesome. :>

i got my new phone free from sun. :D

it's a nokia 2700.it's awesome for a free phone from sun. :D

it's friday tomorrow. :)

just thinking if him makes my heart sink so deep. :) <3

oh yes!there was the reaction that i wanted! :)

bahaha me be evil. ;)

:D

happy. :)

paranoid. O.O

oh yeah.

random.

very. :>

i did something mean.

well sorta kinda mean.

but i said sorry afterward.

i'm nervous about tomorrow. :S

i think i'm hungry but i don't wanna eat. :))

i miss you. :(

you just made me feel unimportant.

thank you very much.

:|

OMG.well this has never happened before. O.O

it's going to be weird in class the next time i see you man.

gah!i didn't submit my plate in history. :(

shit.i'm regretting it now.oh conscience stop punishing me! >.<

anywho.plate in design fundamentals. :/

we're so busy this week. *sigh*

sinulog's this week. :D

were gonna barricade for the procession on saturday.oh the torture. :|

bah.must go away now. :)

i've been forgetting to blog these past few days. :P

yesterday was fun. :)

after CWTS he hanged out at the engineering cafeteria with rosalie, jollybe, paulette and althea.

althea and i went to ayala after that.we waited for faye and jad.

we went to SM after faye and jad arrived.

i had my first flame it burger with them.it was heaven! :>

we took pictures there since i was feeling vain and all that. :))

yroll caught up with us.we waited for him to finish eating.

after that we walked around.

i bought a new bag and yroll bought a belt.

we watched alvin and the chipmunks two. :)

it was nice, good clean fun. :)

we ate at mcdonald's.i had a oreo fudge sunday. :>

said our goodbyes.

i got the starbuck planner from starbucks before heading home.

waited for a taxi for more than 30 mins because there were no cabs. :/

that was yesterday.

today was a bore.

i tried doing my plate.i was supposed to finish it today buuuut i felt sleepy soo... :D

i'm now not done yet.i haven't even finished inking it and i haven't colored it in yet. :P

so yeah.i always find myself blogging at inappropriate moments.

btw. i am so in-love with Sylvia Plath's woroks.damn. O.O she is epically awesome.

here's one of my favorite poems from her. :)

Mad Girl's Love Song

by Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

april 5-9 :*

CBDTI.i'm going. :)

and before that guam...i wonder how i'm gonna pack. O.O

i just read something about Cobra Starship live in manila at ayala malls. O.O

the shivers are getting worse.but i don't mind.they're beautiful. :)

January 5, 2010 held the best early morning of my crappy life so far. :)

i would like to consider it as a post christmas gift. :)

everything just went on smoothly than ever.i've never had such a smooth sailing conversation with you in a while and i loved every minuet of it.swear. :)

it was only three hours but it paid for the three day bash and thinking sessions about each other. :)

and not to mention the 2 day tear fest.

that conversation just made everything better.

it made me more positive than ever.

oh dear i think i wouldn't like it if you went away.
oh dear no!i wouldn't know how to live with that.
oh no.i won't.

:)