HAHA. . .FUNNY ME!

HAHA! I'm laughing at myself right now! How stupid am I?? I mean to LIKE/LOVE the same guy! HAHA! Now I just ended up all torn up,AGAIN! HAHA! Going EMO! Can't help it SORRY! HAHA! It's pointless! HAHA! I want to cry! HAHA! but I just can't right now! HAHA! And I thought this year was that year! HAHA! but I was wrong as always! HAHA! I laugh at myself! HAHA! stupid! stupid! HAHA! HAHA! I feel so so so TORN, HURT, DISAPPOINTED and STUPID! UMASA pa ako! It was POINTLESS! HAHA!

SMILE for the effin' CAMERA. . . HAHA!

Cough. . .

Every time I cough I remember being a little kid. . .I don't know why but I just do. . .It's weird but actually nice. . .I like it except the whole phlegm sticking in your lungs part. . .

I can remember how my mom would get hysterical when I would get a cough when I was little(and she still does). . .How I would swallow the phlegm when ever it goes up my mouth. . .and my mom would scold me for that. . .haha. . .I didn't like it, being a kid. . .pressure was always on me and how most of the stuff I believed in just got swiped away. . .but now I just want to be a kid. . .to run away from everything. . .I want to go back and change everything. . .I want to go back and stay innocent. . .I want to go back and stay that way. . .

But I can't. . .all I can do now is just cough and remember how things were. . .

Destined to be in Harmony. . .

It's something that Lou-anne said this afternoon and it's catchy! haha. . ."sawsaw" aku han practice nera Renzdl for the grand rally and all that. . .Past was w/ us. . .Yap he was. . . It wasn't actually that awkward as what I experienced last time. . .I don't know about him but I minded my own business. . .laughed at his jokes if necessary. . .haha. . .and all the eye contacts along the way. . .weird yet in a fun way. . .I just got thrilled seeing my classmates play seriously for the first time. . .It was so cool. . . :) after that I went to Niña's place. . .we had a practice w/ our A.P. thing. . . then stayed to take some pictures and talked. . .

Me:he's place is just a few blocks from mine. . .I could just walk there. . .

Lou-anne: You 2 are destined to be in harmony. . .

:)

LOVE. . .

This day has to be one of the weirdest days ever. . . I mean it's all about well people telling how they really feel. . .It's so so mushy. . .haha. . . It's happy yet sad at the same time. . .People turning down people. . .People accepting people. . .I don't actually get it. . .How they wait for so long and then get rejected and still try. . .and if they do get accepted there just going to, well break up. . .Were still in high school it's just all fun and games nothing more. . .It's not yet real nor true, it's all the same. . .But still who knows right. . .I'm just a kid. . .and even grown ups make mistakes like little kids. . .

But Love can wait. . .Why do we have to rush things??

When Bordem Strikes!

I'm bored today...It's a Monday and we have no classes... :) it's nice actually but we have nothing to do. . .I called up Luwan as soon as I woke up and told her I want to go out. . .She too wants to go somewhere too. . .so we planned to go somewhere later. . .

We don't know where to go!! we shall go where ever our heart takes us!! haha. . . :)

Missin' you already!

haha. . . :D we just had a chat and I already miss him. . .hahaha... xD I missed him and we actually got a chance to chat but he sudenly signed out. . . buhu. . .but it's ok . . . :D

Just missed him alot. . . :D

I have saved myself...

The whole endless anger thing is now a thing of the past...I saved myself from Roxy's tempting hand of anger...Whew! I stood my ground... I'm not angry or anything at SHE... SHE said she doesn't like him...well for me she's lying. . .haha...and I said I ain't angry at her but seriously I'm not. . .I'm just telling you what I think. . .But the point is I'm SAVED!haha...the whole guilty feeling is gone...

But right now I don't know who I "fancy"(uuuu,big word...hahaha)...I think I like PAST again not sure though...I miss him...we haven't talked in ages. . .I MISS HIM!!! xD

The Aftermath

It's the first day after the exams...by the way sorry about the last post just felt the urge to do so. . . pis didn't mean to hurt anyone... anyhow. . . The aftermath of exams. . .dark circles under your eyes and fatigue from all the studying... we didn't actually had the time to relax and unwind...it's one project to another it's crazy...I also lost 25 php TT_TT. . .lost it in a bet w/ Charles... I don't even know why I said yes to that bet...must be because of the fatigue and all that... Every one's still busy and still sleepy. . .and by the way I have to bare Charles' boasting and talking about how smart he is that I lost and he won... I'll estimate it to well a week or 2. . .who knows when he'll stop...

I still have to pay him tomorrow. . .TT_TT good thing it's not 50...whew!

I want it to end now!!

I'm sick and tired about the whole teenage emotional stage of the whole effin' city. . .I mean come on they haven't even experienced any tragic things in there lives...They haven't seen death right up there noses...They haven't been in a broken un-fixable family...and still they act that way. . .they act so emotional, so depressed, so sad and so hopeless...They slit there wrists to gain the comments of being so cool...COOL! how stupid!They pretend to die and wither inside but the truth is there just bored w/ there lives and want to make a statement and all that crap...If you were in just one of those situations you wouldn't even last 5 min...you wouldn't like it trust me am in one of the most messy situations in my life since 2nd grade and I just want to run away from it. I want a different life...I've always have...I've always been envious of kids who have happy families...and you wouldn't want that feeling...

These people try to pretend that they have deep dark secrets that would make other people pity them...hiding something is heavier than a rock...I've hid every problem I have coz' plainly I don't want anyone to worry or other people to notice me or even feel sorry for me...and here you are bombarding your angst and spreading it all over the place. . .coz' well it's COOL!

I want to end my angst;not just mine but every teenager's pain too, to end the labeling, to end the lies, to end the pain, to end the sadness, to heal the scars and to just feel happy about what we teenagers have, to be contented and to make the most of every minute of our lives....we can never be teenagers ever again....it's a once in a life time chance...

AWAY!

OK! I told Roxy the "situation" and she's pulling me into the pit of endless anger. I don't want to!!! It's just plain wrong. Urgh! I don't know! I'm starting to have anger issues agenst her. . .waaaaaa! she beginning to get into my nerves...I don't know what to think anymore GADAMIT! but it's not my fault nor Roxy's I'm mean she doing it. . .Why doesn't she just get her own identity...WHY?? WHY doesn't she get a life! OH! NO! it's starting!

This is frustrating...very very frustrating...I'm confused...I don't know what to do... :(

THANK YOU!!

Me and Luwan had a chat on the phone and told her about the SHE like HE situation. . .I explained it to her and everything and she cheered me up. . . :) she made me fell happier. . .the whole situation is just plain confusing. . . I told Luwan and I'm planning to tell Roxy to but we hadn't talked today. . .

I really need to talk to Roxy or Luwan felling some anger issues...

She like He that I like to

She likes a certain he that well I sort of like. . .This is sooooo wrong...The she is a good friend of mine. . .and I don't want something happen to our friendship...But it sort of hurts coz' you know that he likes She better than me(i think). . .This isn't good...I want it to stop...not the whole She like He part but the I like He part. . .I'm not happy about it...I didn't want this felling even before she told me. . .I didn't want to get hurt. . .and now I did...I try to pretend not to like...I try to pretend that I don't enjoy looking at him...I try to pretend that my heart doesn't beat that fast when he's around...I try to pretend that I don't try to look he's way...This is frustrating! goddemit! I hate this felling. . .

I want every butterfly to go away!

EXAM WEEK;a week thats just to DIE for

It's that week again where everyone is on the break of death.It's not like what college kids experience and all since I'm still in high school. But still it's one of the most hectic week of every grading period,it's like crazy! So many quizzes and projects! It's like hell! haha. . .That pre-exam week was supposed to be this week but things came up like having no classes this Friday! I love that part. . .haha. . . :) so stuff got transferred next week. . .It's actually better. . .we have more time to study. :) Were so tired right now. . .and we need sleep. . .

So that's what I'm gonna do now. . . :)