Comfort Me. . .

Fall Out Boy's playing through my computer speakers. I'm not in a good mood right now, I was never. I'm not myself for these past few days. I've changed and I know that, but i don't if it's something good or bad. I've lost my sensitivity, I'm all numb; I don't care if someone gets hurt I would say what I want to say(apparently that's bad). I've lost total control of myself. I'm a mess and I don't know how to actually fix myself.

Every thing's just wrong and I'm really frustrated and pissed. I hate everything around me, I want to just stay somewhere no one could bother me and sort things out(the bathroom??nah). I can feel the burden of being a teenager and the whole teen angst thing. I thought I would never go through that since I "thought" that I was a "STRONG" person, well I'm obviously wrong. I'm weak, weaker than(insert the thing you would have compared me to).

It's weird I'm back to the whole "worship Fall Out Boy thing" and I stopped that for 5 months now. Princess and Fall Out Boy go good together, they actually made me feel better. . . :)

"Which came first music or misery?"

-The Music or The Misery by Fall Out Boy

The Break-up

I know this is yesterday's news and I forgot to tell you and I'm telling you this now. . .Good friend Lino broke up w/ acquaintance Jinky. . .It was messy actually. . .they didn't talk about it. . .They just said their goodbyes for no clear reason. . .It was a blur. . .whats up w/ that. . .but of coarse we can't blame them for being teenagers. . .Let's admit it we do that. . .a lot. . .

Relationships are so bloody. . .

Am I really cut-out for this?

We've been planning to have a band for the most awaited battle of the bands next January. . .and we're trying to know all the stuff we need to know this sembreak. . .and I'm the problem; I'm supposed to be the drummer and I don't know a thing and I need to know the basics this sembreak. . . I'm dead. . .

Help Wanted

Trying to Forget and Run Away

I've been trying to avoid him these past few days. . .I didn't make contact for a few days already. . .I'm trying to forget about him and just drift away from him as much as possible. . .I just want to make a big hole between us, to make a big rip. . .to forget everything, to forget the feeling, to forget the closeness, and to forget him. . .

It was a sudden decision I made. . .just thought of it. . .maybe it's because I know that he has someone already. . .someone he really loves. . .and I'm happy for him and I just hope that well she's it. . . :)

I lost all hope last Wednesday. . . I loosened my grip and accepted the truth. . .I can't do anything now. . .this is the end. . .

You might think I'm over reacting. . .You might think my smiles are fake. . .Actually I am over reacting. . .It's just that. . . . . .I really liked him(I might even loved him). . .and I really hoped something might happen like those romantic movies. . .well turns out :) I was wrong. . .
I'm not faking my smiles. . .I really happy for him. . .I'm not being a martyr or anything I just accepted it as a whole. . .and his new someone is a friend of mine. . . sort of. . . :) and there a lot of boys out there who are well. . .better than him. . . :)

On to the Next Chapter! :)

buckets of expectations and drums of pain. . .

Here we go again. . . but it's not for me. . . It's for Roxy. . .and it's all my fault. . .I had to infect her w/ my sickness of crushing on older guys. . .now she fell. . .again! w/ three guys. . .Rezealf-50% , Errol-?? , Joey-??. . .and here come the gazes, the funny feelings, the butterflies, the expectations and wrong interpretations. . .

She might get hurt. . .well she already did. . .Errol has someone, Rezealf can't have a girlfriend and Joey still a question mark. . .Rezealf is a nice guy there's no problem w/ that. . .the other two are also question marks. . .I don't want to see her have mood swings because of these guys. . .and I don't want her to fall really deep like what happened last time. . .she might get hurt again. . .

I'm scared coz' I know her tendencies. . .and trust me it's scary. . .But I know she knows what to do. . .and I know she knows what her limitations are and she knows that I'm just here. . .

Caution: Deep Hole

Reconciliations . Wins. Defeat and Late Night Celebrations

Reconciliation. . . that's what happened last Thursday. . . :) shitmate and her friend have reconciled. . .there friends again! the deafening silence is gone. . .

Wins. . . to the candidates who won I congratulate them. . .The SSC election was last Friday. . .it was a close fight. . .but eventually someone has to win and that was Alnico. . .emotions were stirred that Friday. . .some cried, some disappointed, some happy, some angry and some went overboard. . .

Defeat. . .to the candidates who lost I admire the courage you have to take a risk. . . Katrina lost by 20+ votes. . .It was such a close fight. . .she got disappointed. . .that's normal. . .but true, she was brave and gutsy to run for president. . .maybe it wasn't her time. . .

Late Night Celebrations. . .dinner at Brod Pitt's. . .Abigail won for treasurer. . .so we just had to celebrate. . . We hanged out at the basketball court just in front of the resto. . .played, talked, goofed off and went hyper on each other. . .Then went back to the resto to have a little karaoke. . .some of us had enough courage to go on stage and sing. . .we went home at 10pm but it was all worth it. . .

New beginnings and ends. . . :)

Shitmate's in pain. . .

My SHITMATE is in severe pain and agony. . .She got hurt. . .should have understood the adjusting period. . .I was wrong. . .SHITMATE and her close friend had a misunderstanding. . .I think. . .I don't know how to put it into words. . .Bsta! that's it. . .SHITMATE's friend didn't take her seriously. . .I think she does have a clue. . .but she just hasn't had the right timing or courage. . .She's ashamed. . .I could sense it. . .I want them to be friends again. . .I can't take it. . .watch them not talking to each other. . .It's to frustrating and sad. . .

they need to be fixed. . .but SHITMATE wants her friend to learn her lesson. . .

Head Straightening . Head Hurting . Teen Problems

I'm confused and "Fucked up" (sorry for the word). . .a lot of stuff are happening at the moment and I'm confused at the same time hurt. . .

1. I don't know if I still like him. . .I'm confused. . .there are nights that I think of him. . .there are nights that I just don't want to think about him. . .I think I like him but then I actually don't. . .This is confusing. . .should I bear hope or just give up. . .I mean it doesn't mean that will ever love/like me. . ."I'm willing to let go but my heart isn't"- Lino
2. I feel the effin' gap dude! I don't know about you but I do. . .were just meters away but I can feel your not there and you aren't actually enjoying the company. . . I miss you dude. . .your to hard to reach. . .We've lost the closeness we had before. . .your not the same. . .I miss you. . .
3. I feel so alone. . .no one wants to listen to me. . .I don't know where to go. . . I need a sense of direction. . .I need someone to talk to. . .
4. High above the clouds during the day. . .rock bottom at night. . .I don't know whats up. . . EMO?? I don't know. . .
5. Money talk. . .Mom's having issues w/ our business. . .I think were going broke. . .I can live w/ that. . .
6. Effin' insecurities! I'm insecure. . .everyone is at our age. . .
7. I want to DIE! I want to GO! I want to STAY! I want to make up my mind!
8. My friends have there own hang ups and no one's telling me. . .I'm so left out. . .
9. Optimistic and Pessimistic at the same time. . .confused again. . .
10. He doesn't seem to be happy when chatting w/ me. . .he isn't replying. . .so disappointed. . .so down. . .

-Everyone left w/out me-

No more HAHAs. . .

The fake HAHAs have left me. . .I'm fine. . .don't know whats going to happen next. . .unsure of what I'm feeling for PAST. . .I don't know. . .who knows. . .maybe I'll get over him sooner or later. . .

I HOPE. . .

HAHA. . .FUNNY ME!

HAHA! I'm laughing at myself right now! How stupid am I?? I mean to LIKE/LOVE the same guy! HAHA! Now I just ended up all torn up,AGAIN! HAHA! Going EMO! Can't help it SORRY! HAHA! It's pointless! HAHA! I want to cry! HAHA! but I just can't right now! HAHA! And I thought this year was that year! HAHA! but I was wrong as always! HAHA! I laugh at myself! HAHA! stupid! stupid! HAHA! HAHA! I feel so so so TORN, HURT, DISAPPOINTED and STUPID! UMASA pa ako! It was POINTLESS! HAHA!

SMILE for the effin' CAMERA. . . HAHA!

Cough. . .

Every time I cough I remember being a little kid. . .I don't know why but I just do. . .It's weird but actually nice. . .I like it except the whole phlegm sticking in your lungs part. . .

I can remember how my mom would get hysterical when I would get a cough when I was little(and she still does). . .How I would swallow the phlegm when ever it goes up my mouth. . .and my mom would scold me for that. . .haha. . .I didn't like it, being a kid. . .pressure was always on me and how most of the stuff I believed in just got swiped away. . .but now I just want to be a kid. . .to run away from everything. . .I want to go back and change everything. . .I want to go back and stay innocent. . .I want to go back and stay that way. . .

But I can't. . .all I can do now is just cough and remember how things were. . .

Destined to be in Harmony. . .

It's something that Lou-anne said this afternoon and it's catchy! haha. . ."sawsaw" aku han practice nera Renzdl for the grand rally and all that. . .Past was w/ us. . .Yap he was. . . It wasn't actually that awkward as what I experienced last time. . .I don't know about him but I minded my own business. . .laughed at his jokes if necessary. . .haha. . .and all the eye contacts along the way. . .weird yet in a fun way. . .I just got thrilled seeing my classmates play seriously for the first time. . .It was so cool. . . :) after that I went to Niña's place. . .we had a practice w/ our A.P. thing. . . then stayed to take some pictures and talked. . .

Me:he's place is just a few blocks from mine. . .I could just walk there. . .

Lou-anne: You 2 are destined to be in harmony. . .

:)

LOVE. . .

This day has to be one of the weirdest days ever. . . I mean it's all about well people telling how they really feel. . .It's so so mushy. . .haha. . . It's happy yet sad at the same time. . .People turning down people. . .People accepting people. . .I don't actually get it. . .How they wait for so long and then get rejected and still try. . .and if they do get accepted there just going to, well break up. . .Were still in high school it's just all fun and games nothing more. . .It's not yet real nor true, it's all the same. . .But still who knows right. . .I'm just a kid. . .and even grown ups make mistakes like little kids. . .

But Love can wait. . .Why do we have to rush things??

When Bordem Strikes!

I'm bored today...It's a Monday and we have no classes... :) it's nice actually but we have nothing to do. . .I called up Luwan as soon as I woke up and told her I want to go out. . .She too wants to go somewhere too. . .so we planned to go somewhere later. . .

We don't know where to go!! we shall go where ever our heart takes us!! haha. . . :)

Missin' you already!

haha. . . :D we just had a chat and I already miss him. . .hahaha... xD I missed him and we actually got a chance to chat but he sudenly signed out. . . buhu. . .but it's ok . . . :D

Just missed him alot. . . :D

I have saved myself...

The whole endless anger thing is now a thing of the past...I saved myself from Roxy's tempting hand of anger...Whew! I stood my ground... I'm not angry or anything at SHE... SHE said she doesn't like him...well for me she's lying. . .haha...and I said I ain't angry at her but seriously I'm not. . .I'm just telling you what I think. . .But the point is I'm SAVED!haha...the whole guilty feeling is gone...

But right now I don't know who I "fancy"(uuuu,big word...hahaha)...I think I like PAST again not sure though...I miss him...we haven't talked in ages. . .I MISS HIM!!! xD

The Aftermath

It's the first day after the exams...by the way sorry about the last post just felt the urge to do so. . . pis didn't mean to hurt anyone... anyhow. . . The aftermath of exams. . .dark circles under your eyes and fatigue from all the studying... we didn't actually had the time to relax and unwind...it's one project to another it's crazy...I also lost 25 php TT_TT. . .lost it in a bet w/ Charles... I don't even know why I said yes to that bet...must be because of the fatigue and all that... Every one's still busy and still sleepy. . .and by the way I have to bare Charles' boasting and talking about how smart he is that I lost and he won... I'll estimate it to well a week or 2. . .who knows when he'll stop...

I still have to pay him tomorrow. . .TT_TT good thing it's not 50...whew!

I want it to end now!!

I'm sick and tired about the whole teenage emotional stage of the whole effin' city. . .I mean come on they haven't even experienced any tragic things in there lives...They haven't seen death right up there noses...They haven't been in a broken un-fixable family...and still they act that way. . .they act so emotional, so depressed, so sad and so hopeless...They slit there wrists to gain the comments of being so cool...COOL! how stupid!They pretend to die and wither inside but the truth is there just bored w/ there lives and want to make a statement and all that crap...If you were in just one of those situations you wouldn't even last 5 min...you wouldn't like it trust me am in one of the most messy situations in my life since 2nd grade and I just want to run away from it. I want a different life...I've always have...I've always been envious of kids who have happy families...and you wouldn't want that feeling...

These people try to pretend that they have deep dark secrets that would make other people pity them...hiding something is heavier than a rock...I've hid every problem I have coz' plainly I don't want anyone to worry or other people to notice me or even feel sorry for me...and here you are bombarding your angst and spreading it all over the place. . .coz' well it's COOL!

I want to end my angst;not just mine but every teenager's pain too, to end the labeling, to end the lies, to end the pain, to end the sadness, to heal the scars and to just feel happy about what we teenagers have, to be contented and to make the most of every minute of our lives....we can never be teenagers ever again....it's a once in a life time chance...

AWAY!

OK! I told Roxy the "situation" and she's pulling me into the pit of endless anger. I don't want to!!! It's just plain wrong. Urgh! I don't know! I'm starting to have anger issues agenst her. . .waaaaaa! she beginning to get into my nerves...I don't know what to think anymore GADAMIT! but it's not my fault nor Roxy's I'm mean she doing it. . .Why doesn't she just get her own identity...WHY?? WHY doesn't she get a life! OH! NO! it's starting!

This is frustrating...very very frustrating...I'm confused...I don't know what to do... :(

THANK YOU!!

Me and Luwan had a chat on the phone and told her about the SHE like HE situation. . .I explained it to her and everything and she cheered me up. . . :) she made me fell happier. . .the whole situation is just plain confusing. . . I told Luwan and I'm planning to tell Roxy to but we hadn't talked today. . .

I really need to talk to Roxy or Luwan felling some anger issues...

She like He that I like to

She likes a certain he that well I sort of like. . .This is sooooo wrong...The she is a good friend of mine. . .and I don't want something happen to our friendship...But it sort of hurts coz' you know that he likes She better than me(i think). . .This isn't good...I want it to stop...not the whole She like He part but the I like He part. . .I'm not happy about it...I didn't want this felling even before she told me. . .I didn't want to get hurt. . .and now I did...I try to pretend not to like...I try to pretend that I don't enjoy looking at him...I try to pretend that my heart doesn't beat that fast when he's around...I try to pretend that I don't try to look he's way...This is frustrating! goddemit! I hate this felling. . .

I want every butterfly to go away!

EXAM WEEK;a week thats just to DIE for

It's that week again where everyone is on the break of death.It's not like what college kids experience and all since I'm still in high school. But still it's one of the most hectic week of every grading period,it's like crazy! So many quizzes and projects! It's like hell! haha. . .That pre-exam week was supposed to be this week but things came up like having no classes this Friday! I love that part. . .haha. . . :) so stuff got transferred next week. . .It's actually better. . .we have more time to study. :) Were so tired right now. . .and we need sleep. . .

So that's what I'm gonna do now. . . :)

Out of nowhere. . . 0_o

He scared me back there. Me and Sagua were at the canteen buying...what else but food. . . I was staying at the back waiting for her then I turned to my right and at that moment he turned to the left side of the canteen where we were. . .I think you got confused about the whole left right thing to make it simpler. . .I turned and at that moment he turned to. . .

After the whole turning HIS crew came from behind him and stayed at my back. . . it was awkward. . .very awkward. . . I moved away from them. . .taking little steps so it wouldn't be that clear. . . good thing Sagua just came out in time to walk away from the awkwardness. . .whew!

Peace. . .

Me and Kuya Cesar had a misunderstanding this morning. . .It bothered me the whole day. . .I was so furious at him. . .That morning I just wanted to strangle and tear him asunder. . .hahaha. . .but honestly I felt that. . .that continued until the first period in the afternoon! I just couldn't take it off my mind. . .The thing he shouted at me keeps echoing in my head. . .I just felt sort of guilty and angry. . .but when it was already recess I just calmed down. . . :) I felt fine. . .

By the time I went home I thought nothing of it. . .He went online. . .he said sorry and he was just having a bad morning that's why he shouted at me. . .I said it was OK. . .were fine now. . .were both at peace. . .

Am I high or just plain delirious. . .

Haha. . .It was just so funny. . . I thought out teacher told us to research something. . .I must be delirious. . .haha. . .ain't that weird. . .maybe it was because I was sleepy. . .maybe that was all. . .hehe. . .

I should seriously get some sleep. . . :)
sorry for the short post. . .don't have anything else right now. . .maybe next time. . .

Out Sick. . .

I'm here at home this morning. . .I have a tummy ache. . .every time eat something I go to the bath room. . .but it's not bad. . .but this morning I almost fainted it was like 5 am and I got up to go to the bathroom since my tummy hurt a lot. . .When I got out my alarm clock/cellphone went off. . .so sat down and didn't have any plans going back to sleep. . .my mom woke up asked me what was wrong so i told her she told me to get the Polar bear(is that right,sort of. . .it's like white flower only it's better) and rub it on my tummy i stood up while rubbing the medicine and everything slowly became black. . .I told mom I felt dizzy and ran to my bed. . .then I slept. . .my mom told me not to go to school this morning coz' my tummy might hurt again. . .

but in going to school this afternoon already I'm just gonna drink Diatabs to stop the pupping. . . . :)

Lost. . .

It's a Sunday. . .I feel lost. . .nowhere to be found. . .Everything just seems to be wrong to day. . .I don't who my friends are. . .I don't kn0w who cares. . .I don't who I love. . .I'm engrossed in my pain. . .I feel so stupid to think that he would ever like me. . .There are only 2 people that the person avoids, the person he hates and the person he once and still love. . .I'm the hated(i think) and that will never change. . .

Today is plainly wrong. . . hay. . .when will this ever end. . . you know what?? maybe i am in-love w/ him. . .maybe I'm not. . .but why do I feel hurt when his friends always tease him w/ his girl i know. . .why?? for all i know these questions will never be answered. . .

What is it??

I was resting my head on the "arm" of my arm chair. . .haha. . .anyway. . .I rested and thought about "EVIL". . .He just popped in my head like thous pop-ups on the net. . .isn't that a weird example. . .back to the subject. . .I thought of what was I feeling for him,if there still was at least. . .It just popped up if I was in-love w/ him. . .since the description of love is accepting the whole of him or her. . .while infatuation on the other hand is concentrated on liking someone w/ just 1 thing. . .

I already accepted him but I'm the only one who likes/loves him and he doesn't. . .now i do believe Love is confusing. . .

A Mess

This week was a mess. . .well my mind in particularly. . .It's just Thursday and we've already been doing tons of work, plus we still have Friday which is tomorrow. . .I've been stressed out for the past few days. . . and the only 10 things that have been keeping me alive this week are:

1. my classmate's jokes(of which some are corny, green and clean. . .I LOOOOOVE the corny ones. . .haha)
2. bloopers in the classroom(there really funny)
3. donuts! they sell them outside school. Dunkin Donuts to precise.
4. C2 iced tea. . .I'm beginning to think that I'm already getting addicted to it.
5. Breadpan! there sooooo yummy!
6. the COCC AsPirants(if I'm messed up. . .there worse. . .I pity them but i know they can do it)
7. our A.P./freetime(i can do anything. . .though i do listen sometimes)
8. weird and funny stories that my seatmates share.
9. my best buds. . .(they always keep me alive)
10. the uncontrollable noise(I love the noise we make. . .it's. . .it's. . .it's so loud!)

While her are the ten things that have tried killing me this week:

1. Unending quizzes and assignments(they kill everyone!)
2. boring lectures from teachers that are too scary.
3. a report in Arts(at the end it just pissed me off!)
4. research work(we had to do this until early in the morning. . .well some of us)
5. research work that wasn't even passed!(we have the right ti get angry)
6. research work for a game(yep! you got it. . .it's for a game)
7. very very very long notes we have to copy
8. very very very long notes that were dictated
9. Officers that are well going over board(I fell your pain aspirants)
10. messed up comments. . .it's really screwed up. . .

this was 4 days of torment and it's just 4 days!

One more thing that's messed up. . . .clashing colors on this page. . .remind me to change it. . .

Emotional

Ok. . .it's my 2nd post tonight. . .it's wierd. . .I kn0w. . .I went to browse some blogs and all and I went to Roxane's page. . .I read one of her postes about "Emo" as the new fashion trend and all. . .It made me think to. . .are these people problimatic or there just duin' it coz' well it's the latest trend. . .It makes them look cool and all that. . .

People label or call me "Emo". . .I'm not one of those people who go w/ the latest trends I usually go agenst these trends. . .and I know they to regard me as a poser but do they know me. . .no they don't. . . They don't know a thing about me. . .I hate being labeled as "EMO" it just makes my blood boil. . .So what if I have long bangs and have black nail polish painted on my toe nails; it just doesn't make me "emo" or emotional. . ."emo" means emotional. . .going through things that you can't handle and just makes you wanna break down, cry and just shout. . .peole who call themselves "emo" slit there wrists and take pictures just to be labeled as such. . .personaly, it's just stupid. . ."EMO" was never fashion trend and it never will be. . .it's called punk not "emo". . .

It just makes u mad since people refer to "emo" as fashion. . .emo is a feeling not clothing styles nor hair. . .

The 13th. . .

Today. . .Friday the 13th. . .Alot of stuff happened today.For instance a bottle of water fell on my toe just this evening. . .But the highlited event of today was at school. . . . . .I was dissmisal,everything was just normal;nothing odd actually. I went down w/ Lou-anne and Cathleen, i was supouse to help Lou-anne w/ the sashes for the COCC ASPIRANT'S. Before starting on the sashes we meet up w/ Diana and went to grabe a bite, while sting on the bench and enjoying our kwek-kwek, the basketball game was sttoped because some kid broke a window ;woOoOops. Then suddenly all the students were asked to come down from there classrooms, even the 4th yr were asked to come down and there review wasn't even done yet...so we minded our own beeswax. We tried to find a place to work on. . .we headed for the gym but by the gym's entrance was Sister Angelica telling the 4th yrs to come down. . .so passed through the back. . .as we were getting ready to do our thing another sister came and made us go, so we had no choice, we fled the gym. We went to the flagpole and worked there, then Patty came along. . .we didn't actually notice some of our classmates by the quadrangle forming a circle w/ teachers too. . .Patty told us that Oliver went up the stage (somewhere on top or something) and tried to do SUICIDE! W T F! I was shocked and conserned at the same time. . .we were classmates since 2nd grade and i treated him as a brother and it wouldn't be like Oliver to end everything for a girl thats just too stupid!

After the short conversation the gaurd came and forced us to go home. I was worried for Oliver. . .and confused why they let everyone go home. . . we had no choice but to go. . .I was left alone and had no choice but to go to Sir Aspiras and do my assignment. Oliver was there I asked him what really happend. . .He told me he went there to think about stuff since he wanted to be alone and said "magpapakamaty nla ako"... we know Oliver he didn't really mean that and then some kids overheard it and started to tell other people. . .the kids started shouting. . .then it made all the teachers worried and became a big fuss. . .

(p.s. sorry for the typ-os... :)

I almost fell for another one of his traps. . .Last night I actually felt that he cared. . .maybe I was just wrong. . .I'm always wrong. . .WOMAN!! snap out of it!! he would never LOVE me. . .maybe just a friend but nothing more than that. . .I have to say that more often. . .

The Wierd and the Wonderful??

OK . . . I just did the weirdest thing. . . I just opened up to my former crush. . . I told him about my life. I just felt like opening up. I just need someone to talk to and I felt that i had to talk to someone. It was just timing that we had a chance to chat and all that on the net. I was weird coz' we aren't actually close and all that. He just read and didn't say anything. Maybe he couldn't find the right words to say , or just maybe he was shocked and all that. It was totally weird. I'm not saying that I don't trust my friends. I just told him coz' my heart really felt heavy , I had no one else to talk to , I just needed to let my frustrations out and i know that he wouldn't really be affected coz' we aren't close. . .but he was OK. magaan an feeling after telling him everything you hide from everyone. It just felt good and all that.

He didn't stop me he just read everything I typed. And now this incident made me wonder maybe he isn't that arrogant at all. . .I hope he doesn't tell. . .

Which is Which. . .

It feels so good when you don't have a crush on someone. You just feel so free! you won't have to feel that awkward feeling when he's around. You won't feel the crushing pain when you find out that your beloved infatuation has his own beloved. And what else, the pain of failure and rejection. But with out these "inspirations" and feelings, you feel more happy, complete, energetic and care free. Everything is just perfect, but these feelings make you feel good and happy and gleeful. Yet the more you feel these things the more you fall further, the harder to get out of it and the more painful it just gets.

But why do we still fall in love? Even if we already know were just going to end up in tears. It's so ironic every time you would tell yourself that 'I WILL GET OVER HIM.' then every time you get a chance to look or even just have a glance of him you go crazy. It's just so weird. . .

If it was you which would you choose to be in love or to be out of love?? every things just a blur. . .I can't define which is which anymore. . .

Future. . .

I hate to admit it but. . .I'm think of my future right now and I'm thinking seriously about life after high school which is college. . .Its just a few years away and to make it exact its just 2 more years away before my school kicks me out for college. . .I'm actually afraid to be a failure to not reach my goal and to not reach success. . .I can't bare to think not passing college,not getting a job and just end up depending on my parents or relatives. . .it scares me. . .and it just gets worse coz' my relatives are pressuring me to take nursing when I don't even want to. . .yeah I know its for my own good but still. . .I want to take photography but I'm afraid to fail and not be able to take it. . .(urgh! get a grip of yourself you still have one more year to think what you want to take up. . .right??). . .AMBUT! bhala na?? whatever goes. . .